Deep Knowing

Feeling the gentle bite of the crisp fall morning air

Hearing the crunch of leaves beneath my feet

The acrid smell of a wood fire wafting from afar both irritating and oddly reassuring

Watching the sun stream through mostly naked tree branches to bathe everything in a warm golden glow

The wispy clouds moving freely as clouds do against the vast blueness of sky

Mind settling with the rhythmic lifting and placing of each miraculous footstep

An appreciative heart opening, softening into the deep knowing of the raw honesty of this time of year.

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Impermanence

The raw soft beauty of Impermanence

The very truth of life itself

So exquisitely expressed

Offered as a teaching that

When opened to and received

Becomes a blessing

By the natural world

A tear trickles softly

A gentle knowing smile

A heart broken open

To the fullness of

Sadness and Joy

In perfect union.

Stop.

Stop. Just stop.
The still quiet voice was rumbling now, like a freight train shaking the foundations of my being.
Trying to get my attention.

Keeping me awake at night.

Feeding me food that I wasn’t hungry for.

Making me forget things, trip over things, walk into things.

Fly into a rage.

Cry inconsolably. 

So today, body trembling with fear, eyes swollen with tears, I stopped.

I just stopped. 

You’ve been through hell this year, the voice said.

And last year too.

Life as you’ve known it for so many years shaken, broken, pulled out from under you.

Never taking a moment to allow the full weight of any of it to land, to be fully seen, felt, transformed.

As much as there is part of you that cannot be destroyed,

This being, the one that eats, sleeps, walks around and all of those things, deserves the same gentleness and care that you extend so generously to those around you.

You do!  

And self care will bring you the same joy if you let it, but you have to let it.

You, too, are worthy and in need.

All of the love and care in the world from those around you

Needs to be matched by your own.  

You need to make time just for you

To breathe, to play, to rest, to feel. 

To heal.

You are worthy. 

You are!

Worthy of your own gentle loving caring attention. 

Worthy of being. Just being.